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credits

© 2006 BLACK-SOLACE {R.}
unless stated otherwise.
STICKY PAWS,STAY AWAY!


damsel

Rebecca
 Twenty seventh August, 1992
 Seek Ye, Lord!


 Web album(Partial photographs) : MY WEB ALBUM

- * * * X X ♥ - -Love before midnight- - ♥ X X * * * -
Always remember the goodness comes from above


blue_angels2701@hotmail.com

So, Tell Me




Ties

Angeline
Benson
Cheryl
Claire
Daphne
Fidelis
Grace <3
Hong lim
Isaac
Jaslin
Joanna
Jonan
Jing yi
Jiun ru
Jie ying
Ke wei
Li hong
Maxyne
Miracle
Nizzam
Pek shia
Phoebe
Say lee
Sandy
Sean
Shi min
Shi min (Germaine)
Si ling
Soo ping
Vincent
Velarie
Wan yee
Wei zhong
Xing xia
Yun ting


flip through my past

2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Broken.


Today marks the 3rd Anniversary for my darlie and dbro. I just sent her a text telling her how, there's this surge of joy that fills my heart, that brings tears to my eyes whenever I think of how loving they are. To cherish their love dearly.

Somehow this swept me off my feet with immense mixed feelings all of a sudden.

I remember that I had a couple of friends whose anniversaries were close to mine. And we would get a lil excited talking bout it when it was nearing. Many friends feel that monthsaries aren't important. Perhaps anniversaries meant something more to them. They thought little notes or cards didn't mean something, they were redundant and a waste of time.

On the other hand for me, monthsaries do mean something to me. They are little stepping stones that a couple has stride over together. Every moment counts. Every month counts, to stay together year by year. Those cards and little things that once professed love so well have verily been forgotten and deemed as 'expectations' and 'a waste of time'.

I...

I'm deeply saddened when I get reminded of my relationship.

I don't know how things have has reached this stage. I once felt like the happiest girl in the world, I once knew for sure I wanna marry my prince charming. I once felt like I could live like this forever despite all the daily squabbles, conflicts and pains I tried so hard to endure. I once felt so loved, I once, I once, I once.

I can't describe how I feel like I'm dyin' a lil inside every single day the day I made some decisions. I'm like torn apart and I honestly don't know what I can believe in. I'm like happy, yet, biting, yet wary, yet cruel, yet happy, yet messed up.

The stress building up in me is escalating tremendously as people around me bring up the topic of getting engaged and weddings. When they question bout my time, I feel like I'm getting a panic attack. It's so sad, I used to have the answer, so sure, so certain. Now I'm just....please get this topic away from me.

His family already treats me like their own and I've grown so attached to them. But I guess a relationship involves the key 2 persons, more than anything else.

I don't know if I should continue my tracks backwards or should I take another leap of faith. But leap of faith in which?

I was taken aback by some confessions, not angry but sad, very. I surprised myself later on when I realise I could swallow it down calmly and forgive. And why so? I do know why.

I don't know when I started growing a heart of steel. The last thing I ever wanna do is to hurt anyone coz pain is real and I know how it feels.

My friends tell me I'm a person they respect the most in their lives. I feel very honoured, touched, amazed and I strive to stay the same in their eyes. To be someone they can fall back on. Now I have fallen from grace. But like I said, if I had a second chance to choose my step, I would take the same. So this is me. Please accept the way I am and stand by me.

I just need to face up to my feelings and be accountable to God. All in all, I just need support and understanding. What's wrong seems right. What's right seems wrong. Ultimately we just want to see our loved ones happy.

When it comes to love, I'm never a thrill pursuer neither do I plunge into the abyss of infidelity. I just.....want to face up to my deepest feelings.

Broken as I am.

Can you tell how mind screwing this sounds?



Ookie, here's me in Bangkok last April. A short getaway. A trip to celebrate his liberation. May this reduce the solemnness of this post as I feel much better after expelling all these built up monsters here.



12:53 AM
i dream of you.

♥