Hey there
It's been a while
Seconds seemed to crawl by a month ago
Checking the calendar now, a month has passed
About a month ago was probably the date I awaited most eagerly given the hectic days and crazy school schedule
9th June 2011 marks Joshy's and my first year anniversary. Although we are no longer together, it still remains significant to me
That very date also marks the opening of my short but precious two weeks of holidays
However, an unfortunate moment struck my family
Those on their way to work/ school/ meet friends or in army were summoned to the hospital
These words 'He may not make it through today' put me into moments of dead silence, seemed like the world froze for a while
There laying on the bed was my aged grandfather, shaking and struggling to inhale air from the machine
Pastors came, prayers; painful tears that ceased no end
We stood by his side to accompany him his last journey
Emotional last words spoken to him by his ear, holding his hand to tell him he's not alone
Stroking his heart to comfort him not to be afraid
Thank God for Miss Ng and Mrs Fang who rescheduled my final paper so I could stay on
Notes were in my bag, mind in a blank, there was no way I could sit for that paper
Stayed on for 7 hours, headed back to shower upon seeing the unchanged situation
An hour after I left, my mom rang me up
.
Indeed my grandfather was a blessed man, a family tree bountiful
I recall the times I was young, I would stay in my grandparents' place till my mother came for me
He'd prompt me to have my meals no matter the number of times I declined
He sits in the couch all day long
Somehow without moving at all, he's aware of the amount of food or ingredients I scooped
He'd then name out and urge me to eat more
We hardly communicate because he is half deaf due to world war in the past
Also, he is half crippled. Not much of chances to mingle
But I loved him
A deep gratitude from the wells of my heart to everyone who turned up at the wake to give encouragement and support to my bereaved family and me
Every single concern was needed
I was surprised to see almost all the pastors coming. I mean I don't really know all of them but they still did
Maybe it's a pastor's rightful job but it takes willingness from the heart to do it
Imagine the number of wakes/ bai jin they have to attend and give
God is amazing
My aunt's pastors somehow mentioned my grandfather accepted Christ before he passed on
Doubts were burning within me
We are told to lead a life like Christ, pleasing in His eyes; learn his ways and love others like He does
So how does accepting Christ at the last minute redeem a person?
Pastor MY stayed longer after the other pastors left
She shared a story from the bible with me, timely from morning sermon
She told me it is wrong to view things from a mortal's angle and judge God
God is merciful, whoever accepts Him will be accepted
He does not choose the fanciful
God dotes on the pitied
This phrase 'Who are we to judge God?' knocked sense into me
Finally this knot in me since young has been untied
Subsequently, the holidays seemed like a long nightmare
Overwhelming thoughts in my mind, I felt I was losing my sanity
I lay on the pillow with tears dried face only to find myself weeping to sleep
I felt like a hermit crab, locking myself inside the room
I was physically ready to leave the house but I will suddenly weep in Joshy's arms because I miss my grandfather dearly, hate to accept he is gone for good
We all speak of the better place. Which better place are we talking about?
Are they all the same?
I believe in only one place of eternity and that's where I long to reunite with my loved ones when the day of judgement comes
I honestly intended just one paragraph and update my recent happenings but I got carried away as usual
Without pain, there is no joy
Without joy, there is no pain
Without losing, there is no cherishing
Without cherishing, there are regrets
This year Fathers' Day was a silent torment, I have no grandfathers to celebrate with. I lost both of my beloved ones. Of one was one very important person in my life. I regret I did not minister to him, deep guilt will forever reside in me
Favourite grandfather left us on 9th June 2009
Beloved grandfather left us on 9th June 2011
My (supposed) anniversary falls on 9th June 2011
My dear friend, Dixon passed away also in the month of June
All on my favourite date, 9th
Life is so fragile, my dear friends. We demean the word 'cherish' too commonly. Don't we all know meeting a stranger happens one in billions? God makes things happen for a reason. Through pain I learn, through what I've learnt, I walk alongside with friends in need
I am no saint
People can say I'm a good friend; I'm naive; I'm too nice; I'm too forgiving
But my friends, God blessed me with all these virtues if you should say
Credits don't go solely to me
I'm just trying to love like He does
To bless is to be blessed
4:05 PM
i dream of you.
♥