Rebecca
Twenty seventh August, 1992
Seek Ye, Lord!

Web album(Partial photographs) : MY WEB ALBUM

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Always remember the goodness comes from above

blue_angels2701@hotmail.com

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2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012

Monday, June 16, 2008

Umm. I don't know how I should begin.

I guess because of that, it brought my Dad's side family together to have a chance to talk to one another.

Xiao gu was saying that she brought me to Orchard when I was two.
She said I was very "zhuai" because I just started to learn how to walk and that I always refused to let her carry me.
Then she said, somehow I fell after I walked a few steps then I cried.
I looked at her and said, "Next time you must carry me okay?"

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I remember this too.
Xiao gu dislikes one of Grandma's friends. And she told me before.
When I was one or two, that friend came to visit Grandma.
I said to Ah ma's friend, " Go away! My Xiao gu say she don't like you. You go away!"

I laughed as I listened, recollecting those days. I've been exceptionally fond of this side's family. All very dear to me.
Umm....

I wanted to face this alone, thus I didn't tell Snakey and all.
But some others knew about it already. Leelee was with me that day, so she knew as well.

Umm....
Hmm. My beloved Grandpa left us last Friday.
What really hurt me most was that he chose to end it and not through a natural course.

Umm....
I really don't know how to talk about this.
Been to numerous wakes and I've never dared to look through the glass panel to see the face of the deceased.
But I kept looking at my Grandpa's face. Terribly frightened. But if I don't look at him, I'll never ever have the chance to see his face again.
Sat beside the coffin all the time, just to spend more time with the human form him.

I've yet to fufil the promise I made to God regarding Grandpa. That explains why it was a Buddhist funeral.
I dread those rituals and chanting especially. I went through it, for the sake of 公公.
But no joss-sticks; no worshipping of their God.

In a shaky voice, : "Mommy, so where's 公公 now?" (Silence) "He's in hell right?"
She replied, "Yes."
You know how guilty I am that I didn't fufil my promise?
But Dad told me that the bible quotes, "Pray even for the dead."
I'm beseeching all Christian to pray for my Grandpa that God will reach out His hand to my Grandpa and bring him up to be with Him.

This is probably the time I cried in front of my family since years ago.

I wanna specially thank two ppl.
Thank you, Strawberry cake. (Especially)
Thank you Wan yan. And also Trina. You guys made me feel a little more stronger.
I wanna thank Leelee too.

Didn't dare to fall asleep as I was afraid I'd have a nightmare.
And I really had. Didn't dream of you, Strawberry cake but I dreamt of....
Will be alone at home till night. Very scared la.
Thus I asked Chye ning over. Thank you, Chye ning. Still as good as ever.

Grandma kept saying Grandpa looked as if he's sleeping.
I see him lying in there... Yet I can't go and wake him up... He'll never open his eyes and look at me again...

公公。。。我很想您。。。　。。。

As for you... I really don't know what to say.
I still feel that you're not that kind.
I've lots to say to you but I'm definitely not gonna post it as it's not for everybody to know.
And certainly not on Msn messenger or through texting since there's no point.
Tell me if you wanna talk.
Otherwise, I would understand and not probe on any further.

Feeling so much better and I can speak now. I'll not cut off from ppl like I used. to. I've to learn.

1:33 PM
i dream of you.

♥