Wednesday, June 6, 2007

havent been here for quite a long time i suppose.
was too lazy, or unwell.

but after starting to go out, i really feel much better, headache doesnt come visiting me already.

sorry san yi, i didnt message y0u to wish you bon voyage. sorrysorry, sigh.
you wished me before i left for perth. i was touched,
so all i can do is to ask God to bless you.

and i was trying hard to revert back into my line, "single life is always the best."
its hard to revert back now. after i have found a love.
im trying my best to forget him. but i cant.
i really cant.

i have been smiling more naturally these days,
Lord, thank you for giving me these friends.

wan. : )
jing yi : )
wei shan : )
charmaine : )
qi sheng : )
perhaps say lee.
and calvin.

these ppl are those always on my mind, more frequent i suppose.

of course, theres yellow and other ppl.
shi min.
maxyne.
softballers.
and all, all in my heart.

its not me to express publicly, but i really thank God for these ppl i have.
i can only say a deepest thank you to all of you.
for being here for me, and all the encouragement,
i may only be 14+ but Lord, you have imparted many skills and stories to me.

thank you wan for saying that you hope my boyfriend will treat me nice and lovely, and all those encouragement.
thank you dearwalnut. : )
im always here for you, your dependant angel.

say lee, i hope you wont be jealous thinking im trying to take wan. okay?
those nachos. : )

yesterday was a primary sch gathering.
i was so excited.
somehow a feeling told me no girls would be present and kristel cant make it.
i called her twice, nobody picked up.
what i know of primary sch days, when she didnt pick up, her daddy took her phone and suddenly disallowed her to come out.
i took a cab to gv, some person called me and i didnt know who.

rebecca was super happy when she saw joewie, jackie, shao feng, shi jia, jun cen, eggtart, breyann!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
then i said, no kristel?
they said she coudnt make it suddenly.
aww. so means what. i got conned out.
super awkward. i said i wanna go home. they said dont la..
hehehe they pleaded with me.
aww i dont get to see them always, rarely!
so i decided to watch the movie with super awkardness.
i sat with jun cen.
and i mistaken the person who messaged me was jackie. it was breyann.
jackie was nice. : )
shao feng still so childish. hehe cute!

jun cen was so funny.
hehehe he kept wanting to talk to me, we are in the theatre la.
then he kept nudging me, eyeyeyey talk to me.
later.
now la now la.
idiot, so irritating, hahaha super weird la. then he sat beside me.
i asked 3 friends out for dinner, they couldnt make it,
what was wrong with yesterday. ugh.
jun cen LAUGHED SUPER LOUDLY.
when i laughed, he laughed too.
he cant stop laughing the moment he started.
hahahahahaha super funny.
then someone sent, couple. silly.
he kept telling me what was gonna happen next, so the show became a little boring.
i couldnt laugh naturally.
and the show was a little gross. ugh.

POA RETEST.
told mrs yeo straightforwardly i wanna take the next retest. i see no point in doing now.
i told her i didnt read and thus no point.
then we kept smiling. hahahaa.

shi min seems unhappy about wei shan and me talking.

ART.
i skipped 3 remedial in all, plus art trip.
everybody has traced out and left painting.
i havent even put one finger on the plastic of the canvas, least even see it.
miss soh, i stayed back to look for you. but you couldnt be found anywhere, sorry so i went home.
i know you are sure gonna say last minute then come and find me. those scolding.
i wont know how to reply back. helphelp.

i saw yellow and the group leaving sch.
and oh, sabrina is niceee. : )
hee i hope you can always be happy.

had this feeling they were going for nice.

dearie(jing yi called me that) offered to accompany me home since jian kai and all were taking bus. aww so sweet o you...
we went here and there to buy food. each a cup was closed. i wanted to buy from there. then she bought kaya waffle. yeee i dont like that kindofgreenwaffle. i prefer those thick ones with icecream!
went to mc, ahhhh! i saw them. then we went to buy waffles to "pass time", went back. "they are still there!"
then i said, i think one of my friends will walk here and i can ask for help, saying that, i poked my head out to look leftright, and i saw kian meng's head at the same time. he scared me la!

okay only then i realized wherever i was hiding from, they could see me. so embarrassing. hah.

one thing rebecca's proud of herself. she didnt follow the temptation to walk out too when she saw them walking out.
she needs to forget them.

im not jealous of shimin, im just envious. maybe a little only.
she's the kind who really puts in effort to maintain or pull back a friendship.
gogogogo shimin!
hope you can always make yellow happy.
and always stay as his dear bestie.

sorry say lee for neglecting you.
hmm. you have your group of friends, you always look for them when they are around, you dont bother bout' how i feel. you just take me as the second or third alternative. why. thus i went with my group of friends too.
they make me feel belonged and we look out for each other. we say things out when we have something within us. we tell each other how we feel bout' each other.
however, you dont do any of this. or rather i tried but its hard to hear how you feel.
sigh, i really want the friendship to improve.
Lord, please help!

im sorry i teared today.

read grace's blog. aww i read the post about the shanjie and her.
it was really touching.
i really dont know how to express it. but. sigh,
then i started to cry. the tears flowed easily.
i really love the story between them,
so i wished. wished.. wished....

i thought i could just put yellow aside.
i even told say lee i feel like asking yellow out to talk.
but, i dont have the courage.
i have a feeling i might cry. i cant. not in public. not in front of him. not for him.
she said she feel he wont come alone.
how to talk like that?
hmm im confused la.
should i, should i not?
i think he doesnt even think about me anymore.
he might even not agree to meet me, since its not important to him anymore.
howhow.
i just wanna hear what he has to say.
after that i will decide whether to let go of those memories ive been tightly grasping in my fists.
but you know, i seriously think you dont care already la.

and, ive finally found the way to go through the next message in my phone continuously. : )
finally!

why cant jaslin be like shanjie?
why cant velarie be like shanjie?
why cant shue ling be like shanjie?
i really miss them a lot.
they probably wont care two hoots if i wrote such for them.
probably hurl vulgarities at me, and say its mushy.
if i knew this would happen, i would rather not know them.
yet again, through them i learnt a lot of things.

nono calvin cant even be considered.
sigh. ive been trying hard.
but i know it wont happen.

maxyne says she love them. which she said she disliked them so.
sigh, i dont know la.
and we havent met, though we said we have a lot of time to meet.
pek shia too.

rebecca feel like going back to the softball family.
but shes afraid she will get hurt inside again.
she doesnt wanna disappoint stick insect, by not going to stayover for chalet.

and jeckie just talked to rebecca. : )

Lord, please bless everyone to be happy and healthy always.
please bless gonggong and popo especially.
they looked really tired and getting old in a fast way.
my heart ached a lot.
i tried my best to finish the soup,( they all said it was tasteless), i felt it was nice.
i finished the wu xiang though it was so oily.
i offered to drink the green bean soup for the first time.
it was my way of expressing my love to my dear grandparents.
im not cursing them, but im really afraid i would lose them; them leaving me.
i have printed out the photo of us already. i wanna give you soon, grandpa!
i liked popo's folded lian hua.

going out for dinner with charmaine tomorrow!
hope it will be a happy one.
i dont need you to treat.
a meal is enough to keep me smiling for long.

Labels: make me fall for you. im pleading hard., someone

2:13 PM
i dream of you.

♥