wan. take your time to recover kay?
i know it will take a long time to.
but loving someone would mean that you want the person to be happy.
you need not be with that person.
just that im more useless than you.
i still cant let go.
instead its getting worse.
hah, say lee ask, you on your water tap everyday?
and i answered yes. well, she knows the meaning.
thought torrents had a game today but nope it was postponed.
why is the sch bell ringing earlier and earlier?
ugh, made me run and panicked when i saw ppl running towards sch.
"it isnt that late yet right??"
ran up to my class and "threw" my bag and grabbed my notes.
rebecca: " sarah, DO YOU THINK WE HAVE TO RUN??"
sarah: " i dont think so."
rebecca: " increasing speedupon seeing increasing speed as well. DO you think we have to run now?"
sarah: " yes i think we have tooooooo"
hhahahaha so funny. hahah sarah.
guess what, everybody was in the parade square. almost all seated, i thought we would be late.
hearing those voices on the microphone and everyone there.
i quickly sat down, and it was like i sat there for a quite a while before it was assembly.
they kept bluffing us! just to make us come down early. hahah.
i shall be wiser next time!
oh well, im didnt go for training today.
felt like i was last time grace.
the reason i gave mdm salwana was my mother will be typing a letter.
was sitting with say lee in the canteen.
my head turned and looked at the field.
so many ppl...
i saw happiness, i saw fun, i saw things that i saw as an outsider.
coach teaching the sec 1s like how he used to to me.
i miss coach when i was in sec one, the one who was kindly and patient and humourous.
now, the image of him.
"coach.." WHAT?? "aiya nothing la." this kind of scary fella. sigh whywhy.
my mind travelled. i realized i only loved softball when i was in sec one.
i came for the seniors, i didnt like softball a teeny weeny bit. it was for them.
then i came to know vel, we spent almost everyday after schs together throwing ball.
it was hot, but we enjoyed it. it rained heavily. we all stayed.
we blasted balls. we laughed.
look, whats now? dung.
i realized in sec 2/3, i came for softball. because i h a d t o.
its scary to know that the world actually rotates so fast. its saddening to know that i forgave her after 6 months after what she did.
its painful to know shes not treasuring.
jaslin seems as though shes gonna leave me too.
expected la.
and shue ling, when will she return? 2 years? 5 years?
the deal of SL, josie, say lee and i going on a worldtour in future we grow up is off...
the deal that SL will still contact me after we graduate is gone... she promised me. i told her i really hoped so. i dont think she will...
true enough. look. shes always making me crying. suddenly i felt as though jaslin had taken over me.
SL used to send me home. even though i said i didnt want.
she used to follow me around. (which now is jaslin)
she used to stab jaslin. (which now is me)
so manymany things, she simply put a full-stop and didnt bothered telling me WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG.
you said you had tolerated me long enough. WHAT IS THE PROBLEM! damn. tell me THEN I WILL KNOW.
you dont give a chance, just say that you are selfish and being unfair to me ya.
its cause' of velarie, SL, and perhaps even jaslin and coach that i dont wanna come down for trainings anymore.
definitely there are much further factors than all these ppl.
as i gazed at the field, i felt my face hot, tears were welling. say lee was there. i couldnt.
say lee always mocked at my weaknesses. at times.
now, i feel that shes becoming as weak as me. crying for the same stuff.
well, maybe influence again.
the feeling im gonna leave the softball family grew so strong.
i dont wanna leave. but its really scary... i feel... sigh.
God, please help me alright?
help me pass this stage like You always helped me to.
saw qi sheng, gave him that stranger look.
in the past, he will disturbdisturb me to talk to me.
now, he acts as though he dont know me as well.
nevermind, i chose it to be such.
saw alvin and irfan today.
sorry, i didnt mean to be cold today.
just that my eyes felt painful after . so i didnt want you guys to know.
calvin, sorry to say that you're irritating. but i mean.. sigh you dont always have to bombard me with messages.
actually, its only after that day i saw you and your friends (who kept staring at me like those outside guys i loathe), i felt damn WEIRD to see you. and after knowing that the message meant for andre was sent to you.
made things even worse.
sorry mr chia, i guess your impression is i skipped sch cause' i dont wanna take the maths test. i even told you i will read up by myself when you offered to give me extra lessons. now you should be thinking i was trying to fawn on you.
heres what i wrote on my foolscap paper ( my 30 vocab words)
its painful watching them train.
theres only rawness in my heart.
My electricity bills are high.
seeing kian meng and qi sheng dancing in the field cheered me up a little.
seeing SL made me feel so sad again... *sigh.
i dont know why, but im feeling weaker.
6:16 PM
i dream of you.
♥