i keep seeing benson everywhere recently.
on the way to sch, i saw him and little jing kun.
i acted as though i saw no one, then covered the side of my face and walked towards the traffic lights there.
luckily, green man! quickly walkwalkwalkwalkwalk.
sat down there, looking where jaslin, SL, vel were.
if they were sitted at their places, i would be safe.
if not it will mean they are near the foyer and we 4 will have to walk up.
then chee zheng told me jaslin called me. ahh!
i didnt wanna go! sat down wondering how.
then kar wee said, rebecca, jaslin called you.
i was like, i dont want to gooo!
then no choice, i stood up and walked there.
they kept asking me to pin up my fringe. i pinned up a little already.
then mdm salwana kept asking me to pin up. i said, already pinned up. the 3 just stared at me. keeping so quiet.
they made me felt like an oddball.
mdm salwana annoucned, then we walked up. so embarrassing la. my heart was thumping and thumping and thumping soooo hard.
sigh.
i dont wanna go perth already la!
waited from 1.30 to 2.45 for jaslin and SL.
we had to go with mdm salwana to buy insurance. then jaslin had to HURRY ME LIKE ANYTHING.
YES, IM GOING TO TAKE MY BIRTHCERT NOW.
HURRYHHHURRRYYYY!
WHATS SO HURRY FOR. HAIYO..
then say lee felt so scared to be alone in sch. sorry say lee, but you cant tag along.
SL WENT LIKE, REBECCA, YOU KNOW WE WAITED FOR YOU SINCE 2.15 OR NOT.
imagine how i felt.
YOU KNOW I WAITED FOR Y'ALL FROM 1.30 OR NOT.
then SL said but we waited since 2.15 lorr.......... then fade.
ahh whatever, i dont wanna talk to you already, so i kept silent.
mdm salwana's car was ovening super duper warm, that you can feel your face peeling off instantly as you step in. ahhh! help!!
jaslin asked me to go in first, i tried okay. sooo hot! i backed.
then she said YOU GO IN FIRST~!
i went like, so hot how to go in..
then she PLST, THEN SQUEEZED IN THE CAR.
haiya, so bad tempered for what.
i kept rushing mdm salwana cause' i didnt want say lee to be alone in sch for long. i know the feeling.
then i sat there, jaslin gave attitude. SL gave me that stupid face.
grrrrr. i felt like punching the sch punching bag all of a sudden. well i kept my fists to myself.
grrr!
SL and jaslin went over to the counter to join mdm salwana.
i saw there, feeling so pissed. i didnt wanna show. i didnt wanna create conflicts.
so i shhed.
SL got a sticker of the insurance number, it was supposingly to be given to me.
which she asked, EH YOU WANT OR NOT.
i stood up, her arm was out towards me already.
know what? i stretched out my hand and wanted to take already, THAT STINK ACTUALLY MOVED BACK HER ARM AND GAVE THAT STINKY FACE
shes out to make me a fool la. how many times already.
please.... can y'all just stop it! im really tolerating a lot already. i dont wanna start scolding ppl.
back to sch, went to find say lee but saw wan instead. had a short chat with him, poor thing.
sigh, i told him, "if you think your feelings can go on, say for maybe like a year or so, but without getting into a relationship and you think you wont mind, then you are wrong"
i kept telling him. i told him i had experienced before.
if he really loves her, he has to stop now.
obviously he wont listen.
cause' by the time he decides to give up, both have fallen too deep already.
the guy should be able to get up and go for another girl.
the girl may just keep sinking and never be able to get up.
he just nodded his head.
did a little homework with say lee then she said she was waiting for sze li. which after, she will go home.
cause' shes going out at night.
i felt a little mad la, always putting others before me. well nevermind..
sigh.
i said byebye to say lee readily and went to cca room to look for pek shia.
i then told her about say lee, SL they all.
then as i talked, i felt like crying.
then pek shia said she had to go in CCA room for a while, so she went.
timely departure. i felt my tears welling up. and i felt calvin looking at me so i quickly went to the toilet and cry.
i keep crying these days. i dont know why.
i suddenly miss yellow and the past yellow sosososo much... im wondering why say lee, jaslin, and SL have to hurt me so much.
what did i do? whats exactly the problem with me? i really wanna know.
sigh.
my tears kept coming down...
then i told pek shia i wanna go home already.
walked to the bus stop, saw eugene. hmm still okay.
then as i came closer, i saw jaslin' bag. shit.
i sat quite a distance away from jaslin.
eugene said, sit here la.( rather close to him)
i wouldnt mind though, since i know him rather well. but i didnt feel like.
he said, scared ar? i said no. i knew the reason in my heart.
he said, why y'all like that? very scary leh.
i continued looking in my direction, so i wouldnt know whats jaslin's expression.
went to the back of the bus to sit, i needed peace badly!
jaslin sat beside eugene. then they started talking. i think she has some problems with her classmates?
i dont know. whatever it is, she shouldnt be venting on me if she was. but that doesnt seem to be the case.
i dont see her doing that to SL or WHOEVER.
as i looked out of the window, and thought and thought. my eyes became so wet again,
they kept welling. i was sniffing like mad, i had to control in public. i looked down. a little came out, not allowing them to flow though.
jun xiang, kathleen and alex boarded. i would usually smile. but i felt ashamed to see therm with my tears.
so i looked away or down to avoid. sigh, cry..
the bus stop finally reached. i tapped my card as i watched jaslin.
she turned her head a littlelittle.
as i was about to tap, she said byebye.
thank you jaslin... i said byebye too. was deciding whether to say byebye to her initially. but she did.
came down, then teared and teared like anything. it feels... ouch
stopped crying, afraid dad will be at home. quickly found clothes to wear then off i go to meet mummy.
mummy ate long john with me though she doesnt like.
i regretted eating too. yuck, all fried. so yucky. the taste wasnt up to what i expected.
mummy spent 90+ on a small bottle of sunblock for me. i found it really good cause' its really not oily. and SPF up to 80? i think.
sorry for letting you spend so much money on me. especially for my perth trip.
sigh, i dont you will be buying me the cybershot camera already... boohoo.
i keep crying.
so it goes on my hand,
"can i hate you, yellow?"
(can i be happier now?)
andre saw.
yesyes and i wanna thank shi min!
such a dear!
thank you shi min!
i hope you can be happy!
haiya i dont wanna go perth already la!
with you 3 treating me like that...
i will miss everyone...
:'(
8:31 PM
i dream of you.
♥